Episode 358: Facing Fear How Conquering Your Inner Critic Can Grow Your Business

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Do you remember the last time fear held you back from pursuing your dreams? Was it that brilliant business idea you were too scared to launch, or that game-changing decision you hesitated to make? We've all been there, paralyzed by the relentless whispers of our inner critic. But what if I told you that facing fear head-on could be the key to unlocking unprecedented growth in your business?

In today’s episode of  "Bella in Your Business: Pet Industry Business Podcast,"  I'm excited to share a profound discussion about fear and its impact on our potential. It is a universal experience that can hinder us with self-doubt and uncertainty. It's essential to recognize that it is merely an illusion, not a reality.

In this episode, I will share personal stories and experiences from listeners like yourself who have confronted and conquered their fears, emerging stronger. We'll delve into the psychological effects of fear on relationships and personal growth, and I'll offer practical strategies to overcome it. We will discuss calming techniques, breathing exercises, and the importance of confronting fears head-on. Additionally, we'll explore the incredible power of visualization and manifestation, teaching you how to shape the life you truly desire through the mind's potential.

But here's the most exciting part—I want to hear from you. Share your current fears and challenges with me, and together, we'll tackle them.

Topics & Key Points

  • Fear is a universal experience: Everyone experiences fear, but it can either propel us forward or hold us back.
  • The impact of fear: Fear can have psychological effects and limit our behavior and opportunities if left unchecked.
  • Fearless living: Those who are fearless have a different relationship with fear and don’t let it rule their decisions.
  • Overcoming fear: Taking time to calm down, breathing exercises, facing fears, and gathering facts can help overcome fear.
  • The power of visualization and manifestation: Visualizing and talking about a clear vision can positively impact various aspects of life.
  • Verbal processing and communication: I recommend using the app Voxer for verbal processing and encourages reaching out for help.
  • Fear as a separate entity: Fear should be acknowledged but kept separate from the main part of the mind.
  • Keep jumping: Despite the fear, it’s important to keep moving forward and face our fears together.

Timestamps

[00:41] Marketing to Millennials feedback

[01:02] Funny podcast interactions

[03:00] The concept of fear, its impact on different aspects of life

[10:25] Overcoming fear

[11:37] Fear of success

[12:54 Taking control of fear

[20:20] The importance of visualizing and manifesting your goals

[21:19] How fear can manifest in business decisions and relationship

[22:27] Advice on managing fear by acknowledging its presence



Notable Quotes

[00:04:36] “Sometimes fear actually propels us forward and sometimes fear holds us back.”

[00:05:04] “Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the behalf or the belief that someone or something is dangerously likely to cause pain or threat.”

[00:11:54] “Your body, your brain is not conditioned to receiving good things because it’s conditioned to being in fear, waiting for that next shoe to drop.”

[00:13:06] “When you’re constantly living under that shadow of internally or externally triggered fear, it takes a serious toll on your mind and your body, and you got to pay attention to your body when you feel it.”

[00:13:52] “Those people that are fearless, they that is not the absence of fear. It just means that they have a relationship with fear and they don’t let it rule the decision that they’re making.”



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Transcript

Welcome to another episode of Bella in Your Business. My name is Bella Vasta from Jump Consulting, and today we’re going be talking about fear. How does it propel you forward? How does it hold you back? And what place in your life does it have? However, before we get into that, I want to give a shout-out to Stephanie from Chicago, our urban pups. We got a lot of feedback on our podcast episode, our last one when we talked all about marketing to millennials, and this whole new hybrid work model and how that affects the way that you should be marketing and how you can attract more clients. Listening to what Stephanie had to say about this past episode.

Hey, Bella, today’s episode is probably one of my favorites. Oh my gosh, does it hit on something we’re all struggling with? And I’ve been struggling with sort of wrapping my mind around how to dress it. And there are some great actionable steps that I’m gonna write down and start to put into place on our social, and our website. Thank you, Bella, you’re the best. I love it when I get feedback from you guys. It is. It means everything to me. Because like I’ve said before, I’m sitting here in my office recording all by myself. And unlike public speaking, which is one of the world’s biggest fears. By the way. When you can see the reactions on people’s faces or feel the energy. I don’t on my podcast. So I love that.

I also want to share something else that I thought was cute.

Makayla Anders from Adventures, petsitting said, Listen up, I have something to say. I just had to jump on here and tell you a bit of a story. So my husband has been undecided about Bella Vasta and her techniques since I started this journey of binging on her podcasts on Pandora. I came home after a long day and night of sitting and found my husband having a conversation with Bella through the podcast that I sent him. For reference, my husband handles the media and advertising part of the business. It was hilarious to listen to him ask Bella if she was gonna give his wife a buck kicbuckkickk and she needs it or if that’s how I do things. Let’s just say I scared him when he found out I was watching.
So I think he’s on board. Now for the Bella butt-kicking adventure. I thought that was hilarious. But then it also got followed up by Randa and her adorable kids, smileless and Dylan, who also have been listening for a very long time, actually, to Bella in your business. And she said Randy said, my kids talk back to Bella in the car.

I love that it’s such a family event. And you guys, I love this feedback. It means everything to me. And I just just keep it coming. Let me know who are you listening to. Where are you listening? What are your reactions? It’s really good. And it also helps me understand who’s listening. So I do try to keep this PG. Because I know we do have little ears layup out in Florida, her kids have listened with our two because you know you’re in the car and people are listening. So what’s up to all of you, families, and all of you kiddos that are listening, keep on learning and giving me your feedback. I love it.

Today we’re going to talk about something that does not matter whether you’re a kid or an adult, it is something that is always going to be with you. And you are going to either have a healthy relationship with it or an unhealthy one. And it’s not an either or it’s not a black and white, it can be healthy in some areas, unhealthy and others. But my point of bringing this to your psyche, to your conscious level today is to make you think about where and what place fear has in your life. You know, I mean, I’ve I’ve had a whole bunch of examples. With my clients, you know, they’re afraid to send the copy to the website designer. They’re afraid to set boundaries with clients on cancellation policies. They’re afraid to say no to bookings. And so then they overstepped their schedule or they ended up being late or not showing up for their family or their friends. They’re afraid to speak their truth in any situation, fear rejection or judgment, or just have the relationship dissolve. Now normal fears are things like jumping out of an airplane or off a cliff to dive or maybe even just driving at rush hour hole boy
or walking into a networking meeting where you have to stand up and publicly speak or do a 30-minute commercial.
You know all of those things are fear and sometimes fear propels us forward. And sometimes fear holds us back. So I want you to kind of think about it and I’m going to take it to an educational level. First I am going to read a little bit of this because I did do my research. I’m not a psychologist, although, for a lot of my friends, I do tend to be that person. I’ve had years of therapy and love reading about All this stuff, but I’m not an expert. So, according to the dictionary, fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the behalf or the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or threat. And, and the other thing that I think is important to bring up is that fear is physical, right? That’s why like, if you’ve ever been in therapy, they’ll say, like, where do you feel this in your body? They even teach my daughter in, in elementary school, you know, like, okay, we’re having some big emotions, where do you feel it in your body and like to connect with what you’re feeling? It’s fear is physical. It’s a stress hormone, hormone-like cortisol and adrenaline that is being released, your blood pressure and your heart rate increase, you start breathing faster, your blood flow changes and your blood flow flows away from your heart and into your limbs. Because it’s preparing you to fight to throw punches or run for your life, okay? It’s very primal.
And, we have to understand why fear exists on a primal level, at the core of our fear response. It’s a small almond-shaped structure in the brain called the amygdala, if you’ve been in therapy probably heard of the amygdala.

Its key role is, is to help us quickly sense threatened danger in our bodies in a fight or flight reaction. When the amygdala detects potential danger, whether it’s real or perceived, it sets off a cascade of psychological changes through the hypothalamus and the nervous system. It’s where the lymphatic system comes in, situated adjacent like right next to the amygdala. The limbic system is a collection of brain regions linked to emotions, behavior, and long-term memory. When fear strikes, the amygdala sends out these hormonal signals, amplifying our limbic response. This leads to a rapid increase in our breathing and our heart rate, which is why people always say, you know, breathe, calm down, breathe, breath is breath work is a whole nother podcast itself. But our muscle tension rises and the stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, flood our bloodstream. All of these changes combined prepared the body to either confront the perceived threat through aggression or flee to safety. Now there is fight-flight, freeze-fawn, you know, there are a couple of others too, but for the sake of this podcast, because we only have so many we’ll just say fight or flight. Now, that’s what physically goes on. And, whether you realize it or not, some of us are living in a state of fear. Sometimes our home situation puts us in that. Sometimes we are triggered, even if we’re adults, back into a home situation. If we lived in an unsafe environment, emotionally or physically growing up, it’s really important to understand what’s happening in our body. I remember when I first started my company, and I had a client that would be upset at me or I perceived they were upset. Because of X, Y, or Z, we didn’t do something, or the expectations weren’t met. And now I had a confrontation with a client. It got me like a stomachache got me so jittery. I mean, that’s a whole nother side thing, too. Did you know that we have more brain cells in our stomachs than our brains? Like, it’s insane. That’s why our stomach gets upset when we get nervous.

And so like this whole, like a wave of anxiety would come over my body. Or again, like when I was in NICU with Olivia for 182 days, the first six months of her life because she was born at only 12 ounces.
I lived in a state of fear like I did not have fear during that. And even after we got home from the hospital, I still did. But I still had to function, I had to function in junk consulting, I had to function in Bella’s house and sitting I had to function in my normal life. And what I lived off of was, this is terrible. But sugar is basically like I’m a salty person, not a sweet person. I lived off of sugar and caffeine. And I had no memory. No memory at all. I was like an eight-year-old woman It was 90 or 100 years old. It was insane. Like my memory was shot. So if your memory is shot, right now, I’m not diagnosing you. But I’m just saying like, why is it shot? Is it something to look into? Are you living under a constant state of fear and stress? And what is this doing to your business? You know, you might be like, okay, Bella, I’m listening and binging and I’m listing all of your episodes, but I’m just so overwhelmed and I don’t know what to do and, and I’m scared to make a move in any ways. And that sounds like a good idea, but I can’t put it into action right now. It’s almost like it’s paralyzing. You’re paralyzed in fear. There’s just so much information, which is why I try to give you like actionable steps each time. And what do you do with this fear in your life? Are you living with the knowledge it’s there? And how to overcome it? Or are you living with it unknowingly? You know, you might have heard, you know, fear is false evidence appearing real. I feel like at least for me, this is the way it works, anytime I can identify that I’m scared of something. The thing that always kills my fear is knowledge. So if I get the facts, if I get the education, it decreases fear. It doesn’t eliminate it, but it decreases it. So fear will impact you psychologically on the fight or flight, it will have effects on mental health, like worry, stress, paniand c attacks, and it can limit your behavior and opportunities if left unchecked. And it can really, like contribute to the negative thoughts and beliefs that you have about yourself. Your past experiences or I’m afraid of looking stupid, or the situation might go badly, or any of these thoughts that might come into your head, I see this happen in relationships, too. People can think like, oh my gosh, like this relationship romantically, or platonically, or business, this is going to be good, when is the next shoe going to drop? I am not deserving of all of this good stuff, something bad is going to happen. And you’re almost projecting or manifesting the bad things happening. Because you’re so fearful of what it looks like when it can just be good. Your body is not conditioned to receiving That’s why they say I receive it. Your body and your brain are not conditioned to receive good things. Because it’s conditioned to being in fear waiting for that next shoe to drop, wondering when you know, you’re going to be proven right and that nothing ever lasts, or nothing good happens to you. Okay?

External triggers are equally complex with social interactions. And so maybe that prevents you from walking up to a grooming shop, or a community director at a high rise, or going to that networking meeting and standing up and getting on the microphone and doing things. I tell you a lot of actionable steps to do things, we have a free download on how to do a 32nd networking commercial. And, you know, yeah, that’s great. Here’s how you do it. But there’s a whole step for that. And that’s how you hold on to the mic and do and talk to people, right? And there’s that fear that comes from that. There could be a fear of holding you back, getting on camera, posting things, accomplishing too much posting too much, or cording to what you think, right? The fear of success. When you’re constantly living under that shadow of internally or externally triggered fear. It takes a serious toll on your mind in your body. And you have to pay attention to your body when you feel it. You have to stand up to it. Because just like I said in past episodes, this like in habits and behaviors, this stuff is happening to you, whether you are you are aware of it or not. And, so if it’s going to happen, no matter what, wouldn’t you rather be aware of it, and try to take at least a little bit of control over it? That is my whole purpose for this episode. Today. I want you to think about where you live in fear. Okay, those people that are fearless, they, that is not the absence of fear. It just means that they have a relationship with fear, and they don’t let it rule the decisions that they’re making. Nobody ever does not have fear. Okay, I have fear all the time. I would like to say most of the time, I have a healthy relationship with fear. But it’s come from years and years if there have been work. And also I’m not saying you have to do years and years of therapy and work. But it is something that you need to be aware, of because I could tell you the how-to on business all day long till I’m blue in the face. But if fear is holding you back, it’s never going to execute.

Now let’s move into how we overcome fear because you know, I am a solution-oriented kind of gal. And a lot of this stuff is not going to be new to you. But I want to remind you of all of this stuff. I also want to say too, that I think a lot of times when we do something new if we can have a healthy relationship with fear sometimes our innocence keeps us from holding back. Now I just told you that I had a ton of fear in NICU, but you know what I also was very innocent. I was almost ignorant because I just did not know. I didn’t know I guess it wasn’t ignorant because it wasn’t like I knew it and ignored it. But I just didn’t have all the information, I didn’t understand how drastic much the odds were stacked up against us when doctors looked me in the eye on July 4 and asked me if I wanted to abort Olivia because they told me that my life was never going to be the same and that she probably end up in a wheelchair, we’d have to have a special van to transport her. And, like Doomsday, I mean, that was their job. But they also don’t medicine is a practice, right? And Hell yeah, I was, I was fearful. But I didn’t. I didn’t succumb to it. I am a challenger. I am a challenger by nature, if you’ve done the Enneagram, I’m an eight. Okay. And that’s like a mic drop right there. But you tell me can’t do something. And I’m like, watch me. Um, but that’s my personality type. And I know that about me, and not everyone’s like that. But what I’m trying to say is that I think sometimes you when you haven’t experienced the worst, you know, like, right now, if I was in that situation, I would have a completely different feeling about it. Because not only would I be triggered, but I would have something to compare it to. I was I was young and dumb, so to speak. But because I was young and dumb, I was able to have that confidence to be like, look them directly in the eye and be like, if you do not believe that this baby is going to live and be okay, then get the hell off my team. And that’s what I said, That’s what I was doing then. I was fearful, terribly fearful. But how I leveraged that fear was much different. So I hope you can kind of find some parallels in your own life there. I know it’s an extreme example. But I just wonder, you know, I also think that we’re conditioned with fear. I know that some people in my life are very fearful of everything. Oh, my God, don’t take that stuff. Home. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, don’t touch that. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I think as parents too, sometimes, you know, it’s the difference between a kid jumping off of something, and like, maybe not landing it right and being like, oh, my god, are you okay? Or? Yeah, dude, that was amazing. Like, You go, girl, you’re so strong out of that feel. It’s It’s the difference between instilling confidence or instilling fear, like, oh, my gosh, look at what you just did. You could have hurt yourself. And, you know, or Wow, that was brave and strong of you. I hope. I hope you’re seeing that right. So it’s, it’s fascinating to me. And of course, we only have a short amount of time together. And this is definitely why I want to hear your thoughts. Send me voice notes on Instagram. Send me and by the way, if you do that, I only play them if I’ve got your permission. Okay, so don’t think that everything’s going to go on air.

But tell me tell me, what is your definition of fear? How is your relationship with fear? Alright, so 10 ways to fight them one take time out, it’s impossible to think when you’re flooded with fear and anxiety, literally what happens is our amygdala hijacks our brain. And so you cannot think straight. That’s why they say take timeout. In couples therapy, it was, hey, I’m gonna take 30 minutes and check back with you. And I’ll let you know if I’ve calmed enough down to like to think clearly, right? If you don’t, what happens is usually you make decisions or say things and then you come back to it a certain amount of time later, and you’d like to learn why did I say that. Right? That’s why they say sleep on it. Breathe through the panic, when you start realizing that this is happening in your body, you actually can regulate that nervous system through breath work. You can Google it, there’s a whole bunch of different types of things. There’s box breath, there’s deep breathing, there’s so many different ways of breathing. There’s breathing, so deep and hard that you almost pass out. There’s there’s all kinds of things, face your fears. You know, like let’s do some risk analysis or face them in like tiny little increments. Imagine the worst I do this all the time. I take things too extreme. What is the extreme thing that could go goodwill? What is the extreme thing that could go bad? Am I okay with that?

Look at the evidence. Now that was the false evidence appearing to be real, right? Or gather the facts, the more education you have, the better of a decision you can make. So when you’re fearful, think about okay. What don’t I know about this? What is the evidence? What is the science what are the facts that I can rely on? And take it out of the emotions and go into facts? The other thing that you can do to fight your fears is realize that you’re never going to be perfect. You’re going to put your spin on it. Heck, I got this whole thing that’s been created years ago called The Bella Buck kickin, net wasn’t even for me, okay, I’m not gonna be perfect, and I definitely alienate some people but because they just don’t like my style. That’s okay. Do you know that took me a little bit to come to terms and understand that and accept that? That’s okay. You don’t like me, okay? But it was hard to get to that point. And you can do it, you don’t have to be perfect. Also, when you’re in that fearful state, visualize that happy place. I’ll bring this back to the NICU. I always tried to visualize what my little girl would look like, I’m going to start crying. I would always try to look at what our first Christmas looks like. Or what do the holidays look like? Or what does her birthday look like? I tried to live in the visualization. And some people would call that manifestation as well. And so really getting so teary-eyed, really pick out what, what do you visualize it to be? And that’s also a hard thing to do when you’re paralyzed in fear. And I get that, but your vision is really important to see where you want to go, what does it look like? And then talk about it. This is my favorite. I am a I am a very verbal, verbal processor. I love to talk I love the app, Vox or V like Victor ox er, it’s like a walkie-talkie app, where you can just leave each other voice notes back and forth, back and forth. You might have heard me talk about it before. So you guys, this can show up in your business. In decisions and relationships. It could show up in hiring, maybe you just stopped hiring because you’re paralyzed. And the whole no one can do it as good as I can do it. You know, maybe on video.

But what don’t you get if you aren’t fearful? You know, like, when is fear? Good? When can you leverage it? How do you move through it? And what is paralyzing you right now, I would love for you to DM me privately and just be like, Hey, this is something I’m fearful of right now. Let’s take it a step further. And please go to jumpconsulting.net/20  And let’s get on a 20-minute call and talk. Let’s talk about those fears. Let me help be you know, the Ghostbuster of fears for you. Let me help challenge your thought process on it. Because what if it’s that one thing that’s holding you back right now, from being the greatest version of yourself?

What if. What are you doing with beer right now? Where is it living in your head? I’m going to close with this thought. Someone once told me this. And it’s always stuck in my head. And I was like, Bella, I have fear. And it was this person that I just thought was the bomb diggity. All right. That was a millennial reference. And she said, Listen, I have fear. But if this is like my imaginary house, I don’t let it live in the kitchen, or the bedroom, or the living room. It lives in a closet, downstairs in the basement. Or it’s upstairs in the corner in the attic. It is not in my y everyday household area. I make it stay over there. I acknowledge that it’s there. And sometimes I have a conversation with it. But it is not in my main part of the household. You guys, I cannot wait to hear your feedback from this episode. I want to hear your fears. I want to hear how you deal with your fears. I want to hear what you’re struggling with. The only reason why I do this is to help you. LikThise this gives me so much joy. And so I fear that I’ll have crickets and I won’t hear back from any of you, which oftentimes, I don’t. So that’s why I get excited when I do hear back from you.

So I hope that we can have this conversation. I’m sorry, this one was a little bit longer. But I just  Can’t Stop yapping about this.You guys are just the greatest and I appreciate you spending 23 minutes with me. All right, you all have an amazing day. And this leads straight directly into it. Remember when life gets you down? Always keep jumping by now

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